See! See! It isn’t just me moaning (Mistress) or being crap (Dad), the fekking Undead Slug Army foretold in the Bible* has risen and is eating out food as they are too small to reach out brains.
15 billion! That must just be in my bloody garden 
Me & Jac are starting an Army. There will be uniforms, weapons and cake for all members – who’s with me? Just make sure that no one tells that nice Mr Cameron. He needs a new campaign and “Hug A Slug” would only make our job harder if PETA got involved.
Major Stompy McBurro.
96th Airborne Panzer Slug Stomping Div.
“Caedo Assilio Accudo”
*************************************
* Maybe. I haven’t read the damn thing. It waffles on about a whole heap’o'crap, so Zombie Slugs are bound to be in there. Probably in a letter to the Romans** that read “Sweet Baby Jesu! The Slugs just ate the 10th Legion!”
** All of ‘em? Think of the postage!
hedgewizard said,
August 22, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Whoa! “I killed, I jumped upon, I.. managed to raise (some money)”?
hedgewizard said,
August 22, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Ignoring tenses, obviously. Because I wouldn’t know one if I tripped over it.
Ehh? Ohh! Ahhh! McBurro said,
August 22, 2007 at 7:37 pm
I just threw some stuff into Google (Kick. Stomp.Stamp.) but I like your version better
Pumpkin Lass! said,
August 23, 2007 at 9:52 am
Die slugs!!!!
Bleurgh!
Chris said,
August 23, 2007 at 2:16 pm
If I bring air strikes from the US can I get in on that cake action? It is what we do, after all.
Salt cluster bombs away!
Nez said,
August 23, 2007 at 11:43 pm
I am with you. I hate slugs. They make my skin crawl and cause me to heave. I think I’ve got about 15 billion of the wretched things in my garden too.
It all stems from a bad experience with slugs while on a camping holiday in France when I was about 11 or so. Unfortunately we camped in what seemed to be slug breeding time and territory. They had these slugs that were EVERYWHERE – in some places you literally couldn’t put your foot flat on the ground properly. And they were bright orange and the size of sausages. I insisted on my sleeping bag being inspected each night. I’ve been haunted by the memory ever since.
Slugs….what use are they? Sign me up straight away!!
Jac - captain and tong keeper said,
August 24, 2007 at 11:28 pm
0+0=????????
Just lost a whole post as I forgot to answer the question and they give me 0+0!!!!!!
Anyway, it went along the lines of…. I’m up for the Army. Got gloves, stainless steel ex-ice tongs (still looking for copper for maximum slug torture), and back up (Mr Jac and ?????PETA as they stop the slugs crawling to their death on my garden). I think 15bn is a very underestimated number. I believe there are more
(
Reading posts about slugs and mutant tomatoes are dangerous for my health right now. They’re making me laugh loads and I can barely do that. I’ve a rolled towel against my tummy to support the muscles and to stop the staples/clips popping off. Thanks McB.
bug_girl said,
August 27, 2007 at 4:01 am
ugh. I’ve been very lucky here, since you seem to have gotten all the rain that usually falls in the US this year.
But I know they’re here. waiting……
El Gordo said,
August 28, 2007 at 9:16 am
“All your base are belong to me” is one of my favourite phrases. I love it.
Our own beds have actually started to produce something – though we ate our total pea crop in about 2 minutes, our carrots, onions, potatoes etc. are all resisting the slug menace.
Mildew said,
August 28, 2007 at 9:38 am
I’ll help! I’ll make some cake.
Vegmonkey said,
September 1, 2007 at 4:52 pm
I find that skewering slugs with bbq skewers and watching their insides squirming out is very satisfying. Then they go straight into the compost bin to be eaten by other stuff! nice blog by the way
Head Burro said,
September 3, 2007 at 8:44 am
Wow! Thanks for the comments all – sorry for the delay in this reply, the same home and work issues are biting me (work is ok, just busy – home is good but we are stepping up the DIY after a looooong break of laziness).
Soupy: I’m with you hun! But not in a naughty way, Owen.
Chris: The was an old WW2 saying that when Jerry took off, the Brits took cover; when the Brits took off, Jerry took cover; but when the Yanks took off, every bugger took cover! Thanks for the offer, but I value my neighbours (and me) too much
Nez: Jesus! That made me gip! I once ate a cooked one in a spud
Jac: Staples? You be careful young lady, The 96th Airborne Panzer Slug Stomping Div. needs every soldier it can muster right now! This is breeding season! (not for the 96th Airborne Panzer Slug Stomping Div! No! For the slugs I mean – we soldiers should not be distracted by thoughts of breeding or the fun that precedes it). We must hoe the land to exposed the eggs to out feathered air support friends!
Bug_Girl: Right now we are filling sea containers with the slugs we have caught and are planning to deport them to your fair shores. Bwahahahahahahaha!
El Gordo: That’s because you are in league with the slug menace. Your time will come, my friend, your time will come…
Mildew: That’s the spirit! And we need volunteers to pose for a *ahem* morale boosting calendar too…
Vegmonkey: Top tip and one used by my workmate’s dad – he makes slug kebabs and then flings them into the field behind his house. If I tried that, old Mrs Gould would have my guts for Garters and I’d hit her washing and/or kitchen window. I do, however, empty the beer traps right into the compost bin – this has the added joy of showing me how many bastard wasps I’ve killed too. Oh yes.
HB
******